Reddit meter
Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me)
464 pages, 2020
psychology
705 booksPsychologists Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson take a compelling look into how the brain is wired for self-justification. They conclude with an extended discussion of how we can live with dissonance, learn from it, and perhaps even forgive ourselves. Why is it so hard to say, "I made a mistake"?
When we make mistakes or cling to outdated attitudes or mistreat other people, we must calm the cognitive dissonance that jars our feelings of self-worth. And so unconsciously we create fictions that absolve us of responsibility--restoring our belief that we are smart, moral and right--a belief that often keeps us on a course that is dumb, immoral and wrong.
In Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me), Tavris and Aronson offer a fascinating explanation of self-justification--how it works, the damage it can cause, and how we can overcome it.
In 'Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me)', Elliot Aronson explores the concept of self-justification. He explains how people often twist facts and distort memories to avoid admitting their mistakes. This can lead to a cycle of self-deception and denial. It's a fascinating look into human psychology that can help you understand your own behavior and that of others.
Aronson digs into the concept of cognitive dissonance, which is the discomfort we feel when our actions don't align with our beliefs. He shows how this can lead us to justify our actions, even when they're clearly wrong. By understanding this, you can start to see why people (including yourself) sometimes act in ways that seem irrational.
The book also explores how self-justification can damage relationships. When we refuse to admit our mistakes, it can create conflict and resentment. Aronson suggests that acknowledging our errors and apologizing can help to repair and strengthen these relationships. It's a valuable lesson for anyone looking to improve their personal or professional relationships.
Aronson doesn't just look at self-justification on an individual level. He also examines how it plays out in society, leading to things like political polarization and wrongful convictions. By understanding this, you can start to see the bigger picture and perhaps even find ways to address these issues in your own community.
Finally, 'Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me)' offers practical advice on how to overcome self-justification. Aronson suggests strategies like seeking out disconfirming evidence and being open to feedback. This can help you break the cycle of self-deception and become more honest with yourself and others. It's a powerful message that can lead to real personal growth.